Becoming Optimal: Back on the Market

When life events happen to people who don't use a contingency plan, they typically fall into shock, freeze up, or make a knee-jerk reaction that not only makes the current situation worse, but often destroys their future. 

But when they do approach life, personally and professionally, with a Plan B (or C or D), they have the opportunity to make continuous forward progress, regardless of what life throws at them.

A few weeks back, a long-ago friend called to tell me that she was separating and getting divorced. In a subsequent chat, she told me others were asking if she was back on the market. She said, “Yes, I guess.”

Her answer puzzled me. She sensed my confusion and asked what I would have said.

“That I was never out of the market,” I said.

After some silence, she asked what that meant. 

I told her that life is a series of changes and that I never count on anything lasting. That includes relationships, jobs, possessions, and life in general. I have always visualized events and how they could change my life. Part of the visualization is wondering how I would handle the occurrence. Maybe it’s because I am an Army brat, but I have developed this mindset to help me survive the constant change.

I can’t count the times that friends and acquaintances have been caught completely by surprise by the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a divorce. They were thinking that with no waves and the wind at their back, it was always going to be smooth sailing. And rather than being prepared for such an occurrence, they were completely shocked when it happened. Off to therapy.

The SEALs may have something to offer here. Each phase of their missions has three contingencies. If one door is locked, they go straight to another, or call the breechers without thought or concern. This also gives them another angle at their primary plan, making it even more optimal. They call this line of thinking: Two is one, and one is none.

It's not as difficult as you might think. 

Take the major parts of your life—career, family, money—and journal about what would happen if certain events occurred. Plan A may not be sufficient. Do you have a Plan B?

Many times, we forget that life is a journey. If things are going well, we think it best to whistle past the cemetery. I would rather read a headstone, show gratitude for having another day, and think about all the things that WILL and MAY happen to me that day. 

The calendar shows you what will happen. But have you visualized what may happen? You lose a loved one. You discover that your spouse has $50,000 of credit card debt that you did not know about. You wake up and find your best friend dropped dead in the middle of the night. You get in a fatal crash or discover you have cancer. Lightning starts a fire and you lose your house and possessions. You lose your job. These are all true events that happened to people I know.

Two is one and one is none would have you go about your planned day, but with the thought that shit happens, as the bumper sticker says. You are ready and prepared for surprises.  Planning for contingencies gives you wisdom. And confidence.

You are not back on the market. You never left.

Pat